As I was bombarded with New Year greetings through various media platforms in the excitement of ushering in 2015, this warning popped up on Facebook:
"Don't be too excited about this new year stuff. Only the calendar has changed. The wife/husband and the work remains the same!"
Ouch! That warning got me laughing. But then, it also got me thinking.
Really, there is much truth in that statement. Much of everything in life actually remains unchanged, save for the calendar. Then why are we filled with such renewed hope at this time of the year? Why does the new year (for that matter, a new job, a new week or a new day) bring us hope for better things?
Recent studies have shown that human beings have, inherently, what is termed as an "optimistic bias". If you are interested to learn more about this, go Google and watch a TED talk by Tali Sharot, cognitive neuroscientist, or read her book - The Science of Optimism: Why We’re Hard-Wired for Hope. I believe so. I believe that much of our pessimism and skepticism were picked up, as we experience the kicks and punches that life delivered. Yes, no doubt we are capable of generating what we call "Automatic Negative Thoughts or "ANTs", but don't you remember a time when we were much younger and how the optimistic thoughts in us often shouted a lot louder than these ANTs?
Why be optimistic? Why hold on to hope? Because as Helen Keller said, "No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit." An optimistic perspective not only promotes good health, it feeds your inner drive, fuels your creativity and, clichéd as it may sound, makes you happier. The list of benefits goes on and on.
Being one who constantly has my "antennas" up scanning for risks and "worst case scenarios", I think I can say with full authority, that I appreciate how hard it is to stay optimistic and hopeful under trying circumstances. You see, my mind has an amazing way to "pour cold water" over new ideas and opportunities. I cannot begin to count the number of opportunities I had missed in my almost half a century of lifetime because I had succumbed to the ANTs in my head. And yet, I clearly remember how, in my younger days, I have been known to be such a happy-go-lucky and enthusiastic person. What happened? Is that what growing up does to us?
If we started life having the ability to be optimistic, then I believe we can take steps to revive this hopeful side of us, and unlearn some of the skeptical reactions we have developed. Breaking a pessimistic thought pattern is no different from breaking any other behavioural pattern - it starts with conviction, followed by conscious and deliberate efforts and sustained by sheer determination.
And so as the "new year" rolls on and the sparks of optimism slowly fade away, I'd like to share some thoughts on how we can all start to develop our positivity before we lose the sparks until the next calendar change ...
Step 1: Recalibrate Your Belief System
Conviction starts when you believe. You have to believe that optimism is not a skill that is entirely alien to you, one that you have to pick up from ground zero. You have to recognise that you have the skill to be optimistic, to be hopeful. The fact that you got out of bed this morning to carry on with life is evidence of the optimism in you. When one loses that basic level of optimism, it leads to depression and that is why those suffering from depression find it hard to get out of bed and face the world. And because you do have the skill, all you need is to develop it and build it.
Step 2: Embrace Uncertainty
Face it, accept it - life is a gamble. For everyday that we live, we are taking a gamble - we are taking actions in the face of risk, with the hope of success. There is risk in everything. Staying alive is risky. But because nothing in life is certain - optimism and hope is what keeps us going. Uncertainty in itself means that good is possible. If all of life was all laid out before us and we see the certainty of every negative outcome, I doubt we would want to get out of bed too. So, embrace uncertainty, celebrate it - difficult as it may be. Honestly, I hate uncertainty but I also know that it is my only hope for a better future.
Step 3: Identify Your Limits
Time to repeat the serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr - "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." We need to be realistic about what is within our sphere of control and what is not. While we cannot change everything, there are things that we can do in spite of the circumstances. And that is where we need to start.
Step 4: Focus, Focus and Focus
We need to focus our energy and efforts on what we can do. Let us not fret over what we cannot do and use what we cannot do as an excuse not to do what we can. Take ownership, take action! The good thing is that when we focus on what we can do, we have less time to worry about what we cannot.
Step 5: Reflect
Well, like in all gambles, sometimes things do not work out. If you had gone up all the way to Step 4 and had done all that you could have done, don't beat yourself up if things do not go as planned. You can hold your head up knowing that you had given it your best shot. Reflect on the experience, count your blessings and learn from it. The thing is, there will always be another opportunity for you to apply your learning because that is what life will continually offer - another gamble to practice on.
With that, my friends, I hope that 2015 had been good to you so far. If not, do not fret - go ahead and put another bet on life. Make that call, take that next step. And I will start by taking my own advice - excuse me as I now turn to FOCUS my energy on my next bet!
Happy New Year, everyone!
By Jacqueline Ong, The EQ Edge
Copyright Reserved. January 2015.
www.theeqedge.com
January 2015